…is the other side of the hospital that they said you could see but maybe they were lying or perhaps you don’t remember…

…is the place that you think you can return to but really there’s no door by the side of the swimming pool where you fell when you were a little kid…

…is which doesn’t really exist but it does (doesn’t) until I promise I will run around all day until I find the parking lot where I learned to ride a bike…

…is not in the place where you went without any sort of idea of who you were until you looked really carefully around all its four sides which looked the same but then you got at least some sort of sense of not being where you thought you first were…

...is the part where you’re trapped in a timeless machine that keeps stopping and that’s actually really nice and you could probably sleep on the chairs or the floor if you tried but you end up spending all your money just so you can get drunk for a little bit before you wake up in that (un)familiar bed…

…is the part where you look around at everything and it seems like it makes sense but you also realize you haven’t seen fall in four years until you have to head back because this or that happens but actually it was so serious and it doesn’t make sense because you smell that smell which makes memories boil…

…is something about when they asked you that question and you had an easy answer that you repeated and then four years later when you’re walking around eating ice cream you see the same question on an advertisement but this time it doesn’t make any sense because it’s written in another language and the ice cream doesn’t taste that good…

…is that time you did a lot of thinking because you looked in the mirror but then you ate an apple or something that you can’t remember and it didn’t matter because the sun was out and it was the weekend and you were going to go try to talk to other people because they looked like the place where you found something but then you remembered that thing again…

…is the time you remembered what made you uncomfortable but it doesn’t matter because that guy who I met once but mostly I just had heard about him because he was the person that I was supposed to be or at least be from but it didn’t really make sense to me because I couldn’t even hear him and he talked about this place that didn’t exist and now I’m supposed to make some sort of sense of that thing just because I’m here right now and that other person with the slightly bulbous nose was there then so now I have to do these things like this as opposed to like that person who I spent the last 18 years of my life growing up with and did all that childhood shit with but it’s still different because you’re not supposed to forget that place because the soil is still on your skin or something like that which is supposed to make something different…

…is but maybe it doesn’t matter because there’s just something I have that tastes and smells different to all the other things and we can make some sort of attempt at trying to put that over there because it would probably like more friends or at least it looks like it but it doesn’t really matter except if we’re going to move all of this over there where we should at least put it in a basket but then next thing you know stuff is painted which doesn’t really make sense I guess it did but that’s okay so maybe we should just roll with it but really at some point I’m not sure if some of the paint rubbed off on me or if I’m the same color as the paint over there it’s just sort of confusing especially if you have to write it down that’s where it all seems to fall apart then you’re sort of just stuck here with the words that you wrote in this language which is probably the wrong one anyway if there is a right one it’s probably stuck in between the cushions on the couch where you lost that slip of paper that had all the things you were supposed to do today which reminds me that I have to go for a run now because I need to not lose my mind before 10 a.m. anyway…