It was a warm summer day and, as usual, I was scrolling through the NYU Abu Dhabi Class of 2019 Facebook page.

“Happy birthday!”

“Happy birthday!”

“Congratulations and welcome to the Class of 2019!”

“My mentor hasn’t contacted me yet!”

“Happy birthday!”

Nothing had changed until my eyes fell on the name Room of Requirement mentioned in a post. This was intriguing. I already considered myself the ultimate authority on all things NYUAD-related, with a greater mastery of the subject than Al Bloom. So how had I never heard about this Room of Requirement? Eagerly, I clicked to join.

And that was how I got my first glimpse into the real NYUAD.

It is difficult to define the Room of Requirement. If I were brave enough, I would say that it’s the Google of NYUAD, but I can already hear the entire student body yelling at me from the other side of the screen:

“GOOGLE?! IF YOU CAN GOOGLE IT, IT DOESN’T BELONG HERE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD GOOGLE ‘IGNORANCE’ AND SEE IF YOUR NAME COMES UP. PLEBE.”

Okay, so it’s anything but Google.

To help us define the Room of Requirement, let us look more closely at the name. The key word here is “requirement.” Though “of” is a close contender as well — prepositions are important. Does this mean that the room has specific requirements, like the January Term application? Does this room require us to do something for it? Is this a room where all of us are required to post? Is it even a room?

From what I understand, the Room of Requirement is a mysterious, perpetually shape-shifting entity that occupies virtual space and exists to service the needs, wants and desires of one of the most diverse group of humans in the world. These are summarized as follows:

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[/big_image] Figure 1.1. The NYUAD Student Body’s Hierarchy of Needs

Since the Room of Requirement was one of the first times I was able to acquaint myself with the entire student body, my first observations were that NYUAD students had a strange compulsion to relegate perfectly harmless posts to the deep dark depths of the NYUAD Forum group with the ominous, mildly threatening contention, “This doesn’t belong here.” Also, they really, really like hangers.

Upon arriving to the page, I found that both these observations withstood the test of the real world. Hangers are love, hangers are life and the NYUAD Forum group is still a mystery to me.

And this brings me to the fundamental question that hangs like a gloomy shadow over the joyous atmosphere of the Room of Requirement page. The question is that of linguistics and classification.

Technically, and I might be wrong here, the Room of Requirement is for requirements, the NYUAD Forum is for discussions, NYUAD Student Life is for official announcements, the Class of 2019 is for wishing people a happy birthday and Hungry @ NYUAD is for, I presume, cannibalism.

So what if I wanted to announce a Student Interest Group opposing cannibalism — drop me a line if you’re interested in joining — and then ask about a time and place that would be convenient for everyone, preferably when they’re not worshipping their hangers? Where would I post it?

Probably not in Hungry @ NYUAD, because they might just eat me for posting something like that. But the Forum, the RoR and Student Life pages are still viable options. So what shall I do? Will I ever be able to advocate for human rights and campaign against the poor gustatory choices of cannibals? The safety of humans and the palate of cannibals everywhere depends on the solution.

Maybe I’ll just Google it.