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New Task Force Cleverly Disguises Budget Cuts
NYU Abu Dhabi has established a task force that is devoted full-time to marketing controversial budget changes. The new budget plan, titled “Increasing ...
Sep 1, 2015
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NYU Abu Dhabi has established a task force that is devoted full-time to marketing controversial budget changes.
The new budget plan, titled “Increasing Collaboration to Enhance the Student Experience” in a summer notice for students, is indicative of highly-skilled spin doctoring. The notice was the first phase of a covert operation to sneak budget changes past an unsuspecting student body.
“Our absolute top priority was finding a friendly name for the budget plan to keep everyone happy,” said Budget Officer Emma Gamesh. “Greece’s economy could have been saved if they did the same thing.”
The Budget Office hired top-tier international PR firm Conda Willis to devise a title. Using a unique state-of-the-art word algorithm, the firm was able to generate the foolproof combination of words, “Increasing Collaboration to Enhance the Student Experience.”
Quinn Sanders, Ph.D, the lead Word Analyst for Conda Willis, said that each word was individually tested across several demographics before the title was officially rolled out to the student body.
“The word “Collaboration” tested a tad more negatively than the other words — reminds people of work, you know — so we put “Increasing” in front of it to ensure positivity, a sense of achievement,” said the expert.
The Dean of Students sent the budget notice out to students in late July, with overwhelmingly successful results. Many students testified that they thought the notice was harmlessly vague and pretty boring, which is exactly the intended effect.
“We believe it’s very important to say something vaguely, rather than say nothing at all,” Sanders explained, basking in the triumph of a job well done.
One student testified that the notice triggered a philosophical epiphany.
“I was really blown away by the phrase “the driver of the student experience is your imagination and your initiative,” said sophomore Dustin Waheed. “It truly inspired me to drive my experience.”
When this reporter pressed Gamesh for the details of the budget, Gamesh offered the advice that, “efficient, passionate initiatives boost increasing and resourceful cosmopolitanism, building meaningful effort toward a sustainable and cooperative opportunity.”
Sanders, however, revealed that some budget cut rumors will be generated throughout the semester to control students’ reactions.
“You push a rumor about cutting the budget on something big, like textbooks, then save the day by denying it. Works every time,” said the expert.
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