Imagine you are in a modern art museum and you come across a canvas painted a solid shade of red. You stare at it for a while, trying to see the strokes of the brush to decode the message. War, love, lust, pain and so much more; red can say it all. But when, instead, this colour is presented only as a monotone palette, those messages just don’t get across. You wonder whether the painting was meant for a home decorating catalogue or you simply shrug and pass on murmuring, “I could have done that.”

My experience with First Year Dialogue is not unlike the experience of viewing such modern, abstract art that doesn’t say much to me as I glance at it for a few seconds. The concept of starting a conversation on everything from high risk behaviors to our own health and well-being is a fantastic idea. Really, I’m all for it. The sad reality is that the way it is currently executed sounds better than it really is. That’s why every time I have FYD, instead of preparing to hear the diverse opinions of my peers, I dread having to waste valuable study hours, late on Monday nights, to discuss concepts in such abstraction to the point that it doesn’t even make sense.

I can never forget one particular exercise. We were sitting with our eyes closed and raised our hands as a way to say yes depending on our facilitators questions and the following popped-up, “Are you interested in exploring illicit drugs, alcohol, or dating and physical intimacy?” I thought, “Yes, some, but not all,” and after a few seconds of consideration, I raised my hand. I was the only one to do so — which my facilitator anonymously revealed after all the questions were finished. I did not understand why we had done that exercise with our eyes closed. Weren’t we supposed to create an open space where we could discuss important issues related to our university life?

That necessary trust and bond was not established in our group. Terms were thrown around vaguely. And effort was put in to exclude as much of our private experiences as possible. We shared bits and pieces of our lives, but that information could have easily come from an honest “How are you?” when in line at the cafeteria. FYD, for me, was not the place where I could open up and share more personal details than usual; I felt I would run the risk of outing myself.

While we tackled topics from “Risk Management; Informed Choices” to “Family and Relationships; Healthy Relationships,” we often kept our thoughts floating in the air, not really considering them in the context of NYU Abu Dhabi, which cannot be generalized as the UAE. While it was clear what role our facilitator played, we couldn’t bypass the inherent power gap between us, as newly arrived freshman, and the experienced facilitators, who hold important positions. This is especially confronting when a facilitator works in the very same institution that could bust you for making silly Thursday night mistakes. The inescapable authority that the facilitators held created a barrier between us that further impeded meaningful discussions.

I’ve spoken to my fellow classmates about their experiences with the program. For some it was an insightful learning experience with heated discussions. For the majority it was a chore, another session wasted on exploring concepts that they thought they were already adequately informed about. The thing is, there are huge variations across FYD sections. It’s a gap that needs to be bridged somehow. Some facilitators are more willing than others to delve into controversial topics and share personal experiences and anecdotes. Some are more informed about the topics discussed or have a wider knowledge of NYUAD than others. Some follow the syllabus to the letter, while others spontaneously go rogue. The syllabus at the moment does not guarantee, and often does not even allow due to time constraints, deep conversations about its outlined topics. It is constraining in the way that it is structured and the type of questions it requires the group to discuss. The syllabus needs to be tailored or tweaked a bit for specific groups because ultimately your experience depends on how much your peers are willing to open up and ask thought-provoking questions.

Since coming here, I’ve started to speak out for and help out with issues I consider important. I’ve also gotten more confident with asking questions and seeking advice. I can’t say I’ve come a long way because I’m still in the midst of figuring everything out, but I’ve definitely changed and developed. I wish I could go back to my sessions of FYD and have a discussion about different issues in my group. I guess FYD was a wasted opportunity for me.