“I believe there’s a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.”

This is a quote from possibly my favorite film ever — Spider-Man 2 — said by Peter Parker’s (Spider-Man) aunt, May.

Despite being a superhero movie featuring Peter shooting webs from his arms, what makes it special is that we see ourselves in him. We empathize with his struggle to balance his own well-being and desires with his “career” as Spider-Man. In the film, he comes to understand that he has to give up his dream, in this case, finally being with his long-time crush, MJ (Mary Jane) Watson. He learns that he has to prioritize his power to help others rather than showing MJ how much he truly loves her.

But at the end of the film, MJ still finds out he is Spider-Man. She decides to take the plunge and be with him. So Peter gets both. His dream girl and his role as a hero for his community. But it was only after he accepted giving up his dream — the person he wanted most — that he could be in a relationship with her. Giving up in reality is rarely ever that easy, but I find it is an inescapable step in life that we must come to terms with.

In a world that tells us constantly to chase our dreams, to stop at nothing to achieve our goals and never give up, I must state that sometimes we, as flawed and ever-learning people, must simply give up. There is this idea that giving up is weak: it is an Achilles' heel within humanity to give up our dreams because if we do, we have finally admitted to the world and ourselves that we have failed. We have given up because we are lazy. Undedicated. Not trying hard enough. Never doing enough to accomplish our goals.

Yet, what if we shifted this narrative? Instead of going from weakness and failure, we can redirect focus to the significance of our dreams, goals, and desires. What if they can change? Humans change every day. The ability to adapt is essential for survival. And, frankly, sometimes adapting means knowing when to let something go. Considering that we do change, by extension, what we desire and create changes, too. And that is okay. What is the point of chaining ourselves to a dream that no longer reflects who we are or want to be?

I understand that there are factors that prevent us from giving up a dream. The most prevalent, at least to me, are expectations. Expectations from others: how would their perception of us change should we give up? But even more so, our expectations of ourselves. Would we be betraying our past and future selves by letting go? Working so hard towards a goal only to give it up seems counterproductive. Yet, letting go of something as significant as our dreams saves time and energy for new pursuits. Ones that actually give us meaning.

Something I know I struggle with, not nearly as important as someone's entire life trajectory, but a small example that can be applied to larger goals like dreams, is reading. Specifically, reading when I do not want to. For avid readers, how often have you started reading a book and stuck to it despite finding it boring or even despising it purely because you need to see it through? You passed the 20-page mark, so surely, it is far too late to abandon it now. I have found myself in a reading slump for months, forcing myself to return to a book that I find dull and completely exhausting. By not reading it, I am wasting the money I spent on the book. Instead, if I accept that I did not enjoy this book and give up reading it from the start, I save time, which, as the saying goes, is money.

But why do we do this? Why do we stick to a goal, dream or book despite not appreciating it any longer? Simply because we as humans see satisfaction in completing things and checking them off our list. Even if that list is filled with goals that have lost value and are only a title to have a checkmark scribbled next to it. We need to start distancing ourselves from this mindset and realize that true success only comes from real personal fulfillment, not just a checkmark on paper. Giving up signifies that we are mature enough to understand when something has gone too far, taken something away from us, changed us for the worse or is just no longer feasible.

Bringing it back to the film, in the context of Spider-Man 2, Peter does not give up his dream of being with MJ for his own sake, but for others. He knows that he cannot give MJ what she needs, and even more so, he has a duty and responsibility towards the people of New York City to protect them with the gift of his power. And this form of giving up, sacrifice, is arguably even more valuable than forfeiting purely for ourselves. I am not stating that we should only listen to others’ thoughts about our dreams and struggle through life with no voice of our own. Rather, we should consider our own well-being and aspirations and still be conscious of how they affect others. We live in an increasingly individualistic world where, realistically, our interests are often put above others.

There is nothing wrong with sitting back and looking at the full picture. Giving up something we want, no matter how deeply we want it, for the sake of others such as our loved ones, is far from the weakness society has presented to us our entire lives. We are not always doing ourselves a disservice by foregoing our dreams for others. Even if we lose something significant in the process, by knowing when to prioritize other goals and even people, we gain a new strength of compassion and understanding for ourselves and those around us that this world needs more of.

Ultimately, we need to accept that there will be a time when the best answer is to let go of a dream that has turned into a chore. We need to take away the shame and guilt associated with giving up and understand that quitting, whether for ourselves or others, is not failing and is not a weakness.

And most importantly, we should start listening to Aunt May more often.