I began my fitness journey at home, following Youtubers doing HIIT workouts, body weight exercises, any and all forms of cardio. I saw some of my best progress from doing these 30-40 min workouts in my room and gaining most of the knowledge that I have today about fitness and nutrition from the women running these channels. Despite the tremendous weight loss, muscle gain, and feelings of confidence and pride, I was still ashamed of saying that I trained at home when people asked me about it. It made me feel like my method of exercise was inferior to weight-lifting gym goers. I was doing home workouts, yet I was glorifying the gym. This idea was further perpetuated when I decided to tell people that I did at-home workouts and they scoffed, laughed, or mocked me. That is when I realized that a hierarchy exists, even in exercise.

When I came to NYUAD, I experienced what ‘gym anxiety’ meant first-hand. I placed so much pressure on myself to go to the gym, especially as a big part of my identity was fitness. However, every time I tried to go, the expectation to not only show up but to also look like I know what I am doing was crippling. In these moments, it was not my lack of knowledge that stopped me from going, because I had supportive friends that were willing to help me learn, it was the significance of the gym; it was the image I was building up in my head of what it meant to be in there, occupying space. I started doing FABS (Fitness and Athletics Booking) group workout classes, yet my friends still encouraged me to go to the gym with them instead, or simply join them at the gym after. I have never heard someone tell another person to do another workout after the gym because the gym was considered a difficult enough workout. Other workouts are not. It is this idea of ranking workouts based on their perceived difficulty that truly got me thinking about the concept of exercise and why some forms are considered more valuable than others.

Exercising does not have to be something you dread. It does not always have to be something that leaves you sweaty and exhausted. Why are we shaming ourselves, and others, for doing different forms of exercise? Movement should not be reserved for people who can afford to buy a gym membership. Weightlifting should not be seen as the only valuable form of working out. A 30-minute walk is an exercise. A 10-minute yoga flow is an exercise. Swimming, rock climbing, dancing, running, and doing bodyweight movements are exercises. I do not want to force myself to go to the gym for an hour a day, after a long day of classes and meetings. I might instead want to play some soccer, volleyball, or badminton with my friends. I might want to go to a dance class. I could simply want to roll out my yoga mat in the comfort of my dorm and wind down after dinner. Life does not need to have restrictions, and I do not need to live up to some arbitrary expectations placed on me by society.

Right now, the gym feels like home to me, and it is one of the only places where I feel truly content. However, I do have my off days, when I’m feeling insecure, socially burnt out, anxious, or the multitude of other emotions that I could have accumulated throughout the day. I do not want to feel guilty for not going to the gym one day, or if I stop going because I decide that it’s not serving me anymore. Everybody has mood swings, different levels of motivation, and energy throughout the week. I owe it to myself to honor my body’s wishes, and to do whichever kind of exercise she feels most excited about that day. You owe it to yourself too.