The last 100 hours have been undoubtedly some of the spiciest in NYU Abu Dhabi’s history. Beginning with a surprise government announcement to close all educational institutions and followed by NYUAD’s decision to spend the next month alternating weeks between break and remote learning, efforts to prevent the spread of COVID-19 have radically affected campus life for the foreseeable future.

With many students stuck on campus, fears continue to mount as an epidemic of Cabin Fever spreads through NYUAD. Restless, irritable and borderline depressed, even those safe from COVID-19 still face a dangerous public health threat.

In efforts to combat the psychological pathogen, many in the student body have decided to look on the bright side. While some remain concerned about certain policy choices, hundreds took great joy in learning they didn’t need to study for their tests next week. To celebrate the university’s decision to cancel all classes, meetings and events that might cause people to congregate, students have planned a massive gathering on the highline above D1.

“It’s basically like Holi,” explained Pat Entzero, Class of 2022, “but instead of showering each other in a rainbow selection of dyed powder, we’re exposing each other to potentially dangerous microorganisms.”

When asked if they felt the event seemed contrary to the spirit of quarantine, Entzero let out a chuckle of disbelief. “We’re unexpectedly stuck on campus for a week with no work to do — this is just the tip of the iceberg.”

Indeed, with students no longer forced to attend 12-person seminars each day, many plan to spend their free time attending 40-person dorm parties instead. With no papers to write, no practice rooms to play in and no gym to exercise at, getting lit to loud music while testing how many people you can fit in a single suite may be the only form of stimulus left.

“If they wanted to keep us from interacting, they should have just given us more work,” joked Procra Stinator, Class of 2021. “I’ve been living with my roommate since freshman year, but I didn’t even know what he looked like until he finished Foundations of Science. It’s amazing what academics can do for social isolation.”

“We’re all gonna go stir crazy,” remarked freshman Tiefoyd Mayry. “Where do they think I’m going to direct my nervous energy without exercise equipment? What do they expect us to do, deadlift the lounge furniture?”

While many plan to abide by the new quarantine policies, others are looking for potential loopholes to exploit. Professor Koodnut Karless “accidentally” mentioned to his class that he would be having a 75 minute coffee break at Blacksmith at 10:25 a.m. every Tuesday.

“There’s no way class is happening if we use Zoom,” he confessed. “I have to call IT every time I want to turn on a projector. Even after a two hour workshop, there’s no hope for me. Either we meet informally or everybody goes on independent study for a month.”

Additionally, several vegans also plan to convert one of the lounges into a plant based dining hall that they can eat in whenever they want to. While the rules are the rules, it appears the rules are also more malleable than they appear at first glance.

Indeed, while those with canceled spring break trips remain frustrated, many students are finding opportunity in these tumultuous times. Several Social Research and Public Policy majors have started their capstones early. Ethnographic field notes in hand, half a dozen juniors began studying the sociological experience of quarantine and the nexus of public and private institutions during disease outbreaks.

They might not be alone in their research. Under the palms last Thursday, several students reported hearing a disembodied voice. It had a peculiar and ominous message: “Phase I of experiment complete, Phase II commencing.”

Despite these concerning developments, the administration is doing their best to justify and explain their choices. “What exactly did you want us to do instead?” mused NYUAD spokesperson Eidy Servaraze. “We are doing our best to comply with government regulations but the unique nature of the school means that students will inevitably be dissatisfied. There are no good options here.”

On the weekend that should have been the Vice Chancellor's inauguration, she’s received a baptism of fire instead.

While administration has announced short term measures, they have also begun discussions of longer term strategies. Among the various proposals, the Vice Chancellor has reviewed plans to sell hazmat suits at the convenience store and has approved renderings for a one km wide glass dome to protect campus from contamination.

Those solutions, however, are still in the early stages. In the meantime, students must choose between risking total quarantine by booking a flight home or living the life of a campus cat — wandering around with nothing to do, napping on the highline and being deported from D2 when you try to sneak in.