The first time I heard about International Men’s Day was this earlier this week when a friend showed me her Instagram flooded with stories and posts about it. Although I didn’t know exactly what exactly it meant, my first reaction was one of confusion and discomfort. As I did some more research, I was surprised to find out that it’s been celebrated for decades now.

Relaunched in 1999 by Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh, a history lecturer from Trinidad and Tobago, the day is based on six main pillars that range from promoting positive role models for men and celebrating men’s positive contributions to society, to focusing on men’s well being and highlighting discrimination against men. This year, the theme was “making a difference for men and boys”, and aimed to raise awareness about issues like toxic masculinity and mental health.

At first, I almost agreed with the initiative and saw it as a significant step in not just the lives of men but also the feminist movement as a whole. The patriarchy does affect men too, and issues like toxic masculinity and men’s mental health are not discussed often enough. To an extent, men also struggle with body image issues, sexual assault and a high suicide rate. So, why should we not celebrate International Men’s Day — a seemingly harmless initiative to address men’s issues?

The more I reflected on it, I realized that my initial discomfort had turned into annoyance. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself about the importance of the day — mostly out of fear of being pegged an angry, man-hating feminist — I couldn’t understand how the initiative forgot to acknowledge the privilege that men have always had.

In a way, International Men's Day echoes the sentiment behind counter-movements such as “Straight Pride” and “All Lives Matter”. It takes away from the gravity of the situation of women and gender minorities, who continue to face greater exclusion and marginalization.

When Esther Duflo, along with her husband Abhijeet Banerjee and professor Micheal Kremer, won the Nobel Prize of Economics last October, one of the most read English language newspapers in India published a headline that read “Indian-American MIT Prof Abhijit Banerjee and wife wins Nobel in Economics” reducing Duflo to a “wife.” As of 2019, only 54 out of the 866 Nobel Prize and Prize in Economic Science have been awarded to women. Unlike International Women’s Day, which has been celebrated since the twentieth century to vocalize the struggles of women and celebrate their historically ignored and misattributed achievements, International Men’s Day further highlights the achievements and struggles of men which already dominate most aspects of society — from media and sports to politics and domestic life.

In an ideal world, where all genders are treated equally, I would wholeheartedly celebrate International Men’s Day. But in a world where men benefit from the same patriarchy that oppresses women and gender minorities, the day merely serves as a reminder that men and their issues will always take priority, no matter how much worse the situation might be for other genders.

Masculinity standards that shame men for being vulnerable or taking care of themselves, especially mentally, do need to be dismantled. In fact, there are initiatives like Movember, which aim to raise awareness about men’s health without undermining other much-needed celebrations like International Women’s Day. But by highlighting discrimination against men, International Men's day illustrates that for men to even want to be a part of a movement for equality, they need to be shown how exactly they are impacted by an oppressive system themselves, as though being allies for the opressed 51 percent of the world is not enough.

Even for men who are a part of the feminist movement, we rush to honor and celebrate their support, no matter how small it might be. We put men on the “woke” pedestal for doing just the bare minimum; whether it is not being violent towards their partners, calling out sexual assaulters or treating women with respect and empathy. In 2016, American actor Matt McGorrry received wide media coverage and praises for identifying as a feminist and releasing a T-shirt to raise awareness about the movement. Although he was called out for the ‘excessive praise’ he had received, he is still hailed as a “Feminist King” for just stating that he believes in gender equality.

I, too, have always awarded the “woke men” in my life for being decent humans — ignoring the occasional instances when they mansplain something to me or make a slightly objectifying comment about a woman — while I simultaneously was never surpised by the backlash the feminist women I know have faced while expressing their opinions in an attempt to fight the systematic discrimination that they experience.

Men are praised for being consensual, boyfriends are applauded for making a cup of tea for their partners, husbands are celebrated for supporting their partners’ careers and fathers are commended for taking their children to school; however, for women, these actions are considered duties. Instead of being celebrated, women who fail to comply are highly criticized. It is ironic how even in a movement that fights for gender equality, we hold men and women to such different standards.

Since men are already always celebrated for their smallest of actions and not doing anything explicitly bad, the celebration of International Men’s Day further reinforces their privilege in society. Although, feminist movements need to continue to address men’s issues — like the skyrocketing suicide rates, the taboo faced by men who are victims of sexual assault and the stigma surrounding men who are emotionally vulnerable — we need to achieve it in a way that does not minimize the reality of those who are primarily oppressed by the patriarchy.