My grandfather used to define macho as something you become, not something you are born as. My father defines it as a man who is known for being strong. I define it as problematic and more risky than we think.

I believe that around the world, macho identities, especially if imported from Latin America, are largely seen as strong, aggressive and seductive Latin lover personas. When people learn I come from Latin America, I hear things ranging from “I love tacos” to “Latinos are good in bed, caliente [hot], macho!”

After a year and a half, I’m still conflicted every time people tell me that among many things my part of the world is known for, they find beauty and sex-appeal in macho Latin men. The problem is not necessarily that people fall for who macho men are, but rather that they don’t know what macho identities represent.

Violence against women is promoted by the machismo culture, romanticized by some who think men’s stronger, fitter bodies legitimize their use of strength to do harm.

Every month in 2017 I have seen online campaigns looking for missing women of all ages in various Latin American countries. Facebook posts would go viral, and weeks later, I would read articles and posts about a person’s body found in a quarry, floating in a river or abandoned by a road. Reading stories of femicide has become common and, sadly, normalized. The question remains: Who is responsible for these femicides, and how do we hold the criminals who have macho attitudes accountable?

These incidents are gaining more attention as acts of protest continue to happen across the entire South American continent — in Peru, even in its beauty pagent, in Argentina and in Paraguay.

Most posters in marches read: “Instead of teaching girls not to get raped, teach men not to rape,” not to touch without consent, not to shout sexist slurs, and not to kill. Although the news talks about gangs, abusive partners and weak policies, in the end, protesters point out to machismo culture as the main cause for the life-threatening situations in which women are often placed.

Romanticizing the macho identity and finding beauty in sexually-driven, rude and demeaning attitudes legitimizes behaviors that can lead to insurmountable violence. We can be attracted to strong, fit bodies and deep voices, but romanticizing macho identities ignores the very violence that has been carried out in the name of masculinity. It ignores that a person who finds pride in his strength can also find pride in using it for harm. There is nothing romantic about being violent.

When I left Latin America for a university on the other side of the world, I expected that people around me would know more about gender-based violence than those back home. I assumed that international, open-minded students would be as disgusted as I am about some men using their strength for committing acts of violence against women and men. I expected them to know more about what machismo is and to reject it. My expectation was proven wrong.

But what is a macho in the first place? Some definitions refer to a macho as a man who is aggressively proud of his masculinity. It is also defined as “aggressively male” and “unpleasantly masculine.” Etymologically, the word macho comes from the Latin root mascŭlus, which means muscle, alluding to strength. The dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy, the head of the language from which English loaned the word, defines macho as “man with characteristics considered appropriate to his sex, especially strength and courage.” The same source defines machismo as “attitude of prepotency of men towards women,” and, I add, towards other men too.

The macho identity has relied on physical strength as its defining feature, but little attention has been paid to what that strength is used for. Physical strength has been conceived of as an inherent difference between men and women and an entire gender role has been constructed on the basis of it. Once an act of violence is carried out with that very strength, it is easy to assume that if strength is natural, using that strength to harm others is natural as well. Not to mention that the abuse of strength also has underlying motivations of oppression, domination and sexual objectification. In fact, machismo is what propelled my Paraguayan friends to protest against gender-based violence in a country that doesn’t have a law against all forms of discrimination. Machismo is what makes my cousins in Colombia need a male companion to go to the convenience store at night because it’s too dangerous for girls.

One might counter my argument by saying that machismo is a broad term and that there isn’t one specific way of looking aesthetically macho, that this article might lead people to misconstrue strong men. But that’s precisely my point — there isn’t one way of looking macho because the aggressive pride in one’s masculinity is not a look or an appearance, it is an attitude, a behavior and a belief.

Let’s be strong but not harm others by resisting machismo and eradicating violence as soon as possible. Let’s redefine masculinity by eliminating the aggressive connotation that some men have given to it. Let’s ensure that physical strength is no longer what defines a person’s advantages or disadvantages in society. Let’s not forget that machismo has made many girls and boys in our countries disappear.

And remember: You don’t have to be Latino to be a macho. There are machos roaming all over the world. It’s just that some languages don’t have a word for them.