Can I “pass” as my gender? Can I safely access the facilities I need? Will I be able to receive appropriate housing? Will my professor refer to me using the right pronoun?

Navigating college life is hard in the best of situations. Coming into college as a queer or trans person, however, is even harder, in terms of adjustment to a new life. Most college students mean well and don’t intentionally ostracize fellow members of their community. Whether their actions always carry out these good intentions, however, is a different story. Have you ever noticed students referring to a crowd as “ladies and gentlemen” or splitting a group into “boys and girls”? Even such seemingly trivial microaggressions might make a trans student feel like there is no place for them in the community. Merely being okay with whatever someone wants to identify as is not good enough.

By being active allies, college communities and student bodies can make trans students’ college experiences more positive. It is possible to make academic, social and religious spaces within universities more inclusive of all students. In fact, allyship is not about tolerating trans or genderqueer students; rather, it is about actively pursuing opportunities to support and include these groups in all aspects of university life.

These are a few simple steps to become a better ally.

Phrases like “gender is a spectrum” or terms like transgender, gender non-binary and agender may be familiar to students. Being an ally, however, is about truly understanding the complexities of these identities and supporting people through their lived experiences. A comprehensive glossary of trans and genderqueer terminology can be found here.

Genderqueer and trans people should not have to bear the full burden of educating their classmates. The constant need to explain the correct terminology, the right pronouns and lived experiences requires a lot of emotional labor. To be an ally, one should do one’s own research and only ask questions when one is certain that the trans or genderqueer person is comfortable discussing their experience.

Let’s suppose you’ve proven yourself to be a good ally and a trans or genderqueer classmate has chosen to come out to you. That’s great. However, do not assume the person is comfortable coming out to everyone else. Respect the coming out process. Unless the classmate has explicitly expressed being comfortable with their genderqueer or trans status being disclosed, one should keep this information to themselves and not make this the subject of petty gossip.

A trans classmate might start going by a different name or pronoun as a part of their journey. Students must respect that. If one is not sure which pronouns the person uses, they could use the person’s name exclusively or find out how does the person identify by listening to others. If one is still not sure, they could ask a mutual acquaintance what the said person’s gender pronoun is. Alternatively, one could simply ask the person, “What are your gender pronouns?”

University space, including queer spaces, can sometimes propagate transphobic terminology, spread microaggressions and ostracize trans and genderqueer members of the community. Transphobia that is sometimes present in academic spaces can be challenged by cis, trans and queer gender students alike. One way to overcome this potential issue is by making the others more aware of the gender pronouns someone wants to be referred to. During introductions on the first day of class, for instance, one could announce their gender pronoun along with their name, major and class. Such seemingly trivial gestures can make learning and social spaces more inclusive and make cisgender, transgender and genderqueer students feel more comfortable.

One stereotype of college students in liberal art universities is that they mindlessly engage in activism with little regard to the groups they’re allegedly trying to support. The only way to counter this is to be actively engaged with the marginalized group they’re trying to support. Cis-gender students can find out what challenges their trans and queer gender classmates actually encounter in university spaces and only then decide how to support their classmates.

Being an ally is not easy. The gender binary is so insidiously embedded in our society we’re all trained to think that people who look a certain way will dress, act and identify accordingly. Cisgendered students are going to use the wrong name or pronoun or inadvertently make a transphobic remark at some point. These mistakes don’t make them a bad person. It’s okay to just apologize without explaining the reason for the mistake. Moving on and remembering the mistake to avoid it next time is the best way to go about it.

Finally, it's important to remember that there is more to all of us than our gender identities. Do not centralize someone's gender identity to the point that it's all you ever talk about. A trans person is a person, after all. They probably want to talk about their new Netflix obsession, their sports team or their new favorite artist. Being an ally should never supersede being a friend.