Illustration by Joaquín Kunkel
21 Reasons Why Today Is Not The Day To Work (On Your Capstone) Either
A perfect "To-Do" checklist for a productive day without doing any work.
Nov 18, 2017
- You have other classwork that is due tomorrow. Clearly, the readings for that just for fun art class — the one that RoR said was chill — should take precedence. What’s the worst that could happen? Eight weeks worth of work that needs to be done in three days before your real, honest-to-God deadline? That is so unrealistic.
- You should spend time with your friends while you can. Once you graduate you will all disperse, so you have to do it now.
- Cuddle the campus cats.
- You need to call your parents.
- Laundry?
- Check your pantry. Remember that you need to bake a cake for your friend’s birthday this weekend but the convenience store is out of flour, apart from that gluten-free stuff, which obviously doesn’t make the cut. You need to go to Lulu’s; there is no other way.
- Have you logged onto Facebook yet? There are probably some good memes that your friends need to be tagged in. Also, have you checked the number of likes your confession about not doing capstone has?
- Have you been keeping up with the news? Being an informed citizen of the world is probably the most important thing a Global LeaderTM can be. You should probably check out some of your liberal media news sources for the freshest, most scathing criticisms of @theRealDonaldTrump delivered by late night hosts.
- Hey, I said the news, why are you reading a stupid listicle about the 21 best Simpsons quotes?
- You need to get off campus every once in a while, especially since you are leaving soon (if you ever finish your capstone and graduate, that is). Explore the city, go to a little corner of Abu Dhabi that you’ve never seen before and just wander. See where the wind will blow you next.
- You seem tired. How about a little nap?
- You’ve already cuddled the campus cats, but maybe you should go check on them, just to make sure they aren’t trying to take over campus or something.
- What is key to productivity is being organised. Take time to refocus by making your calendar meticulously. Create a colour-coded plan for your dorm room wall of when you will do what, where, with whom and what you will be wearing while doing it. This will save you time later. Alternatively, you might spend extra time readjusting it every day, as you fail to follow it.
- Check if any of the NYUAD sports teams have a game today. It is very important to support our athletes, so make sure to go cheer for the desert curling team's friendly game. They will appreciate it more than your capstone mentor will appreciate another barely improved draft of a draft anyway.
- Capstone is just a social construct anyway.
- Okay, those cats actually seem up to something. Last time you checked, all of them were huddled around StreetcatTM outside of Al Bloom’s office in A3. New cats keep showing up every day. One of them has been observed with a copy of The Communist Manifesto, while others were seen stealing and sharpening knives from the dining hall.
- All this stress is terrible for you. You definitely need to meditate. Mindfulness is the key to leading a happy and productive life and if you don’t practice it, well, refer to 9.
- Counselling?
- You write a column for The Gazelle. That is clearly a priority.
- You need some off campus food but you are getting tired of ordering KFC. Mix things up and go to KFC yourself.
- The cats are onto you. There are at least two watching your every move at all times. They know you will expose them, even if it is the last thing you do. Their plan is to launch their all out assault on themaklh dlamasg kasgsakjldf asdg sakljd vbsvasbdkj asvd skldbj ask af sahfdhasdfasjkf asf as,f as asldbfjasg afbasfd asjdasbdjk asbs§nlksdnklbn ôflkhsjfkblnda badskv ads. Meow.
Aron Braunsteiner is Satire Columnist. Email him at feedback@thegazelle.org.
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